Whatcha gonna do about it?

You crib, you moan, you even spam your facebook friends
But when the dust settles down and the blood cools
Whatcha gonna do about it?

You protest, you strike, you even stop eating for a while
But when everyone goes home and the crowd thins out
Whatcha gonna do about it?

You write, you speak, you even get down on your knees
But when the stillness is endless and there seems to be no answer
Whatcha gonna do about it?

You bicker, you argue, you even raise some money for it
But when the event is over and the seasons change
Whatcha gonna do about it?

You harass, you cry, you are even ready to destroy
But when sanity returns and love is proclaimed
Whatcha gonna do about it?

You think, you ponder, you even contemplate asunder
But when the bills come due and life goes on
Whatcha gonna do about it?

The first day of the rest of your life ...

These are the lyrics from Matt Maher's song "Hold us together", one of my current favorites. It has been a while since I posted anything on this blog, so a drug induced post on the last day of one of the biggest years of my life seemed appropriate.

2011 has been a year of great change in my life. I celebrated my first anniversary a few days ago and am officially out of the honeymoon period. Over the years I have heard various married couple tell me that marriage truly shows you have selfish you are/have been and 2011 showed me how true that adage was. But here we are at the end of 2011 without killing each other and surprisingly more in love with each other - a fact that still continues to amaze me.

This was also the year that my body emphatically told me that I am old, and even though my spirit is willing the flesh is weak. I have spent the last 6 weeks mostly stuck to the couch with a banged up knee and will possibly be spending the next 30 weeks in rehab. The silver lining has been that I have been able to spend a lot more time with the better half while being waited on hand and foot. I am hoping that this rehab period would give me enough time to be reconciled to the fact that my body is middle aged even though my mind refuses to get over the 20s.

As I sit here feeling like I can fly (These pain killers rock), I can only think of how wonderful and blessed my life has been and how Jesus has been with me every step of the way, through the ups and downs, the victories and defeats, the terminal cancer and the marriage, the debilitative shy formative years and the gregarious 'crazy redneck' 20s. I cannot imagine a life without him being a integral part of me.

When I look back on the last three decades of my life, there is so much that I need to be thankful for. The only reason I did not turn out to be a maniacal psychopathic serial killer was the love filled family environment that I grew up in and I am not just talking about my parents and siblings but the wonderful extended family that would be the envy of the world. And inspite of all the fights and tears, I know they have my back and that they have and will always be the foundation on which God built my life. I am proud of them as they have been of me all these years. My parents have been God's guiding light in all my paths and the main reason for being on the straight and narrow, while my sisters have been God's support for my life.

I know that it might sound conceited and a cliche but I probably have some of the best and craziest friends in the world. And even though some of them are weird according to the world's standards, they have been the perfect tools in the hands of my maker who is working on making me a masterpiece. Some of them have been in my life for decades and some for only a short time; some are not there anymore but God put them all in my life at the right time. Friends have been one of the biggest blessings of my life and the cause of the richness of my life.

As I look forward to this new year and the rest of my life be it a day or 50 years, I can only think of each day per the title of this post. God has finally found and put into play his most important tool in my shaping and oh what a tool it is. God has found my perfect counterpoint and I can only imagine the great things that he has in store for us and how amazing the masterpiece is going to look like when He is done with it.

I wish everyone reading this a joyful and blessed new year 2012. May God make His face shine on you and may all his promises be fulfilled in your life and if you haven't tasted His grace may this be the year you do.

In Memorium - DGS Dhinakaran

It has been another long hiatus ... probably the longest thus far. The reason for me being back is not a joyous one though, the loss of the only person I considered as my spiritual father and idol (Yes I said Idol).

Dr. DGS Dhinakaran, or to me (and tens of thousands of others) Dhinakaran Thatha (grandfather) was not one of those fire and brimstone preachers but a person who let the power God speak for itself. He responsible for the the life changing and saving experience that I had written about sometime back. That was the not the only impact he had on my life.

It all started with my father, searching for a job, dedicating his life to Jesus at one of Thatha's meetings way back in 1987. He was probably the only person of The Word not ridiculed by my father and that is saying something. Through the years my family got to know him in a more personal way and got to see that he lived his life in accordance with what he preached.

I am not one given to fawning over people or idolizing them. One of the rare exceptions to that was Dhinakaran Thatha. He was not a God man but man of God, who was blessed with rare powers. For the pseudo secularist this may sound as hocus pocus, probably I would have been at the forefront of such thought if not for the miracle in my own life. I have seen him call out individual people from among hundreds of thousands. I have not seen a more strong proponent or knowledgeable person of the Bible. It was this biblical knowledge that made me aspire to be like him. He was not one of those "theological" or "modern" preachers, but a back to basic Bible believing evangelist. He was the most prominent Indian preacher of the last half a century and probably one of the most prominent ever. He transcended boundaries of race, creed, caste and social status.

All of it did not come easily to this did not come easily to him. It is a long way from the person who could not pass his bachelors for two consecutive years and was on the way to committing suicide at an early age of 20. His life changing moment came when his unsuspecting uncle led him to Christ on his way to the railway track. It was not all rosy after the conversion;Contrary to popular belief Christ does not offer a problem free life he offers free life through all problems of this world. The long list of sickness and troubles ranged from kidney failure, heart attacks, accidents with most bones in his body broken to the loss of his daughter. Through all this he had his family have been the beacon of God's love to Millions. There were times when I have prayed that I wanted the powers that were manifest in his life, but I scaled back on them when I understood that all of this came at a great cost. Like he used to say, the only way that you could feel compassion for your fellow beings was to walk in their shoes, that my dear friend is not easy.

The character that I really wanted to imbibe from him was his study of the bible and his time on his knees. He could quote more scriptures than any person I knew and would buttress all that he said with the Word. He would also spend more time on his knees than any person I know. On a personal note, he was probably the only preacher that had my father's full attention inspite of how tired I was which is saying a lot again for those of you who know him. There probably are more eloquent and charismatic preachers but none of the eloquence or charisma can help a person in need only the word of God could and that's what you got from him with a whole lot of singing and wit.

He had his detractors, mostly from the Christian community who couldn't couldn't stand his fame or who wanted fame by criticizing him. It only galled them even more when he didn't respond to their criticism. One incident stands out in my memory, when his daughter died a Pastor of a fundamentalist church sent him a letter stating that she was killed by God for have flowers on her hair (According to him too ostensible for a Christian).

His ministry was to the broken hearted, a ministry of Compassion. He could relate to him like few others could, just becasue of all that had happened in his life. He knew what it was like to loose a loved one, what it felt to be in constant physical pain and agony and the emotional pain of failure, poverty and ridicule. That was the cost he paid to bring hope to millions and to touch the lives of many more.

He was probably not the most famous or well known of men but to me he was somebody that I want to be like. Somebody who ran the good race and finished it with his head held high. Somebody who touched millions of life with his words of comfort and hope. Somebody who was instrumental in me having a second life.

I will always miss him!

P.S : I know this is not like my usual posts but this is personal.

Ano novo feliz

Wish you all a wonderful and blessed year ahead.
May god make his face shine on you.

two months and counting

It's been two months and counting since I made a comment online about anything! I've been tied up with a lot of changes and a lot of travel including India and Brazil, not to mention the new city of residency and a new job that is as much work as it is fun ... that's my excuse and I am sticking to it.

Having accepted the fact that I would have to live on the road for the better part of each month I am kick starting my writing skills on the road, sitting at Miami International airport in transit from Sao Paulo, Brazil to San Jose, California. Sitting here enjoying a perk of the travelling job (free Internet on the road), I can watch with detached amusement the chaos all around me, a chaos caused by mechanical failures and snowed out airports. The holiday season only gets more frustrating instead of the supposed peace of mind and job its supposed to bring to each person.

I have had so much to say and have said so little ... not that it has any bearing on the earth's rotation. So knowing my place in the cosmos, I'll refrain from boring you with my dull ramblings ... for the time being ... and attack you with all vengeance once I have renewed my brain cells.

I am an Uncle

I am an Uncle as of 2:40P.M CST October 11th!!!!!!!!
Introducing Mr. Hansel John!

PURE UNADULTERATED HELL!

I had a couple of topics in mind that I wanted to write about, something I hadn't had the time for in the past several days. And then today I heard some dolorous news from one of my very dear friend, who decided to write her pain away, so here it is in her own words, much better than I could ever pen it or feel it.

29th July 2006

The following is written by a Ms.Graceful Girl-Next-Door who is well-educated and lives in India and whose Arranged-engagement got cancelled today, a few weeks before the engagement date, due to some Silly "Official" reason, the real reason being the Guy's obsession towards Skin Color and Appearance - the guy who first saw her in a saree in which she apparently looked "beautiful-and-fair" enough for him to give a green-signal to the "Marriage Process" (which meant that the Engagement and Marriage Dates to be decided and close friends and relatives could be informed about the engagement) and who later saw her at her office in a churidhar. Probably it was the sun or scorching heat, she apparently looked "dark" enough for him to have his second-thoughts and for God-only-knows-what reason continued to talk to her over phone/mail about nothings and somethings until yesterday when he was supposedly fully occupied in his "MEETINGS". The Bombshell was delivered at 7:00 AM via a call from the Guy's mother who kept parroting about the Silly "Official" reason while her parents were trying their last attempt to somehow salvage the situation, in vain.

Have you ever cried so much that there are no more tears to shed?

Have you ever seen your usually introvert father who loves you, cry aloud in front of you, because of the pain he sees in your eyes?

Have you ever tried to suppress your emotions and your tears just so that your aging parents may find a little peace, at least in front of you?

Sound dramatic???

Well...let me tell you by experience, if you've experienced the above, it means a part of you dies.
Yes, a part of me died...today. At 7:00 A.M to be precise. I read somewhere that, when you are in pain, if you pour your anguish out into words, the pain eases. So, I am trying this out now, as I think, writing is something I am good at.

For those who know me...
I am what you call an extrovert, a person who loves to smile and laugh, a girl who loves to find humor in everything and a loyal friend to a lot of good people. And now, this instant, I am really not sure if I will be really able to smile, ever in my life.

All this because of a person who doesn’t deserve any tears! A person who is so shallow, so selfish, so uncaring and so faithless, that I know I am lucky not to be associated with him any more. Yes, heart-in-heart, I am glad that I need not even talk to him anymore and pretend that everything is just fine...Pretend that we are going to live happily ever after, even with all the basic differences between him and me...Pretend that I am one of the few lucky people in the world for whom arranged marriage would really find my better-half. But at that time, I didn’t even realize how I hated that pretense. Looking back, I admit that I should have really listened to the most important person in my life...ME!

And may be things would have ended differently.

What if I had stopped the "process" instead of him?? I would have had to spend sometime to make my parents understand the situation and I am sure they would have helped me out. I would have been termed ‘Arrogant and un-compromising’ by the Guy's people about whom I don’t and won’t care. At least, I wouldn’t have seen the pain in my parents' eyes. And now, I’ll never know what would have happened if I had stopped pretending and took matters into my hand and dealt with them by being just what I am...just by being HONEST to myself.

Now that the matters are really out of my hands, after the initial denial, shock and anguish, my foremost thought is freedom...I have a sense of freedom and relief...I am thankful and grateful for this chance to be honest to myself. My rational mind tells me that I should just forget this incident ever happened, that he didn’t deserve me and that I am better of without him.

But there lies the most difficult question, which I guess, eats anybody who is under shock and depression...

Why me???
Why should this happen to me? What’s the meaning of this? What should I learn out of this?
There are lots of people for whom the marriage "process" in this society is just a piece-of-cake.
Along with the parents, boy meets girl, they like each other, the 2 families like each other, engagement and marriage dates are decided, engagements gets over and marriage gets over and the life goes on with the promised ups and downs. Why me, who has been very particular not to hurt anybody, the process has to stop half way through?! Now that this has stopped, what should we tell our friends and relatives?

I guess I need not worry about my friends as they really know ME and are loyal to me.
The problem is, I am afraid that in situations like this, the so-called "society" plays this "Blame Game" - somebody is made the scapegoat for everything. And unfortunately most often, it’s the girl even if the real culprit, as in my case, is the boy. And for my parents' who belong to the earlier generation, it’s only understandable, that this is their primary concern. And now I have to rely on my reputation till date to save me from the "Bad Name"!! I really don’t want to care to what others think, having professed the same to others. But, being a social animal, I DO care.

Now comes the difficult part which is eating me...Am I not good enough for this "Marriage" Process which promises to fetch your better half? I know that I cannot be termed as "beautiful" or "striking". When I really dressed-up for an occasion, I can fall under the "Pretty" category.
So what?! That’s me. That’s the real me. I am a person who is trying to just live up to the meaning of my name. Even now, I still believe that my man should see the real ME...not what I wear or what color I am. I am being told there are some good guys out there who are not shallow...who value character more than color. I feel like a fool for trusting him enough to think that he will snap out of his obsession towards color and appearance. Apparently, he never did!

And the lessons learnt???
That’s for me to answer, right? First and foremost, I will be honest to myself and never compromise too much for this "Marriage Process". Now, one would wonder why there is "too much" in the above sentence. I am still realistic...I know that I need to make some compromise but next time, there will be a pre-defined limit to the level of compromise. And, next, probably this episode will make me more confident and push me firmly towards (at least) my career goals.

Truly speaking, as of now, my self-confidence is in shreds...but deep inside I know that I will make through this. And my self-confidence should be stronger enough to keep me out of Self-pity. I know wallowing in self-pity will not take me anywhere...it will just give me a few more tears (which I don’t want to shed for such an unworthy cause) and get sympathy from others (which I don’t need).

The above Rants and raves have been helpful to some extent in distracting me from my pain. Sometime during the period I was writing the above, I became a spectator of my own life.

The Big Picture... is promising.

I have escaped from a greater doom.

But today was HELL. PURE UNADULTERED HELL.

I won’t wish this on even my worst enemies. Well, I don’t have any...but still, that’s the phrase one says to express the depth of one's pain and hurt.

Probably tomorrow will be better….

There is HOPE. And thank God for that.

Knowing her, I know she has more than hope!

Sleepless in Chicago

So have moved to Chicago (jus me for now) and what a change it is. In STL I had to drive 30 miles to go to an Indian restaurant, here there are more than three within a mile of each other. There is just loads of stuff around ... but then not the people I know. So its back to square one of making new friends ... then again I am supposed to be used to it by now.

The hard part of carrying my earthly possessions is still left undone, not for long though, its back to STL this weekend to finish the job.

The last two days have been spent in the hotel mostly, trying to catch up on the sleep that I have lost over the last couple of weeks. Sometimes its not too much fun to go through a new place without company but then again I am used to that too!! Only thing that the loneliness of the first few days does is to make you feel sorry for yourself and ask yourself what in God's own earth you are doing here. The moment the daily grind starts though its all forgotten.

So here's to a new beginning!!!

"“Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end."”

My first major brickbat ... ouch!!

Finally I did get under the skin of somebody, atleast somebody with the good sense to take me to task. Followed in italics is the email about a previous post Goddamned!... don't forget "If you are not outraged, you are not paying attention"

"... The Christians protest anything that goes against their definition of family values, the Muslim imams add fuel to the fire by adding pictures that were not even published and go against their own code by carrying around the picture of the prophet. The Muslims don't want anybody to make fun of their prophet but will make fun of the Jews and the holocaust. The Hindus will not let valentine's day corrupt their culture (Do you know where Kamasutra comes from?), they will send their sons and daughters to America and wear Nikes and Reaboks, but will blame the ...."

"Y do u blame others for what they are ... u blame Muslims and Hinduz for what they r but what good r u first ... I mean don't u think u r doing the same ... reading what u have written I don't find u any better to (than) the description u have given for (a) Muslim or (a) Hindu ... Touch ur heart and first tell u have not made fun of any religion or religious person or ritual which may mean nothing to u but must have meant everything to someone else ... What the heck u tell about someone when u have so much in urself ...

(I'm) Not trying to tell everyonez fine and u have said is something wrong ... Yes Muslims do make fun of .... and hindu (BJP Politicians ) for their own selfish publicity bet up the shopz and y didn't u talk about Christians(sic) ... I really wish Christians stop talking about rituals of any hindu as dumb and stupid (I have seen 90% of them doing it... and I have not seen much of hinduz or muslims talking things about other religions..)

Every religion has their own cultural values.. I think the best would be when no one pokes their nose into others and mind their own bloody business (sic)... We need to look at people like human being and not like hindu christian or muslim ... I don't know when we can see that day in India

Itz not that everyone in India wants to celebrate val day... itz just that shops and fast foodz get more of business in the name of this day... no parents would feel that their kidz go (to) celebrate val day (and) dance around in roads and night parties (heard so much of it happening here) and I really think itz different from using a nike shoe.... I have known so many who fear if their kids r fine without an affair... (that doesn't mean i'm for people hitting the shops and beating up people in parties ...) and what does val day got to do with kamasutra.. totally irrelevant.. u r not talking about sex education or sex in movies to pull ks here...

I really wish to stay in a place where we look at each other as human being... I have always wished to since my school days... Don't know how things will be.. Have not seen anything changing ... I personally have never commented about any religion or culture but yes I'm not for the idea of aping western without even knowing what it is all about ..."

I don't know how that started off, but heck I have made fun of everybody and everything that mean nothing and everything to me, starting from the Pope to the Sankaracharya! I don't know if you have read all my posts, if you had you wouldn't have made such a sweeping judgment of me (Atleast not by the views expressed in the blog). My definition was not of a Muslim or a Hindu (or for that matter a Christian) in general, but the fringe elements in each. I don't think I (of all people) would promote atheism or agnostism by attacking religions ... I might attack some of the practices of each but then that's what I do (Atleast a part of what I do). Also my aim is not to just attack but to spark a debate. If you had gone further with your quote, It would be hard to come to your conclusion, Atleast if you know about the crusade and whets been happening in the US with the topic of evolution.

While talking about my double standard, you mention BJP when you talk about the Hindus but make no such differentiation when it comes to Muslims. It is indeed a big deal to know what 90% of Christians feel and do, while I am still trying to find what atleast mille-fraction of them feel or do. Looks like you have a beef to settle with one of the communities and I don't know if I am the right scapegoat for the same.

Let me also point out, religions don't have cultural values, they have religious values. Untouchability and the caste system started off as a religious edict that entered into the cultural mainstream. No amount of sugar coating it is going to make me believe that it didn't/doesn't exist as it has.

If you had seen my next post, you would have known that I don't really care about V-day. I was talking about the hypocrites who publicly protest it as a western influence but privately don't mind doing the same. Why was kamasutra brought into it? To negate the feeling that V-day has broken India's culture by promoting promiscuity (It most definitely does), while we have the homegrown subject matter expert and one of the most well known exports of our country. The reference to nike was to show what some protectors of Indian industry and darlings of the right in India (read the RSS and Swadeshi Jagran Munch) who promote Indian products themselves use western ones and who talk about Indian ethos, send their kids westwards to follow a different path.

The thought of utopia is like the search for Atlantis ... hope you find it. But lastly you did comment about other religions in this same mail! What do you think is aping ??? Ghandi said that western culture would be a good idea so you lost me there :)

But you know what? I realise that I have pussyfooted the message I was trying to convey. I was talking about the issue in California organised mainly by the Vedic Foundation and which denied the effect of untouchability ... I didn't want anybody to think that I was attacking the Hindu religion and included something about Christianity and Islam into it to make it balanced (And thus the pussyfooting effect!). It could be called as one of those Aryan vs Dravidian thing (Which only a few could understand) I should have probably mentioned in passing that a number of South Indian associations were opposed to the interference of the Indian right, which in itself would have been enough to prove the cultural significance of this move (rather than the religious).

I did generalise it and tried to point out the various fringe elements in all religions. Just because I attach those fringe elements doesn't mean I am attacking everybody (Unless ofcourse you are part of it)

So no more pussyfooting and lots of dishing. I may not be perfect but heck I still got a blowhorn, take what you want and ...

“In order to keep anything cultural, logical, or ideological, you have to reinvent the reality of it.”

P.S: To the one who wrote this email - Hope you don't get the free time again (jus' kidding as always)

25000 Miles, knife in a shredder and other stories

To take a break from world politics and concentrate on my own... SO here goes the shorter version of my musings!

25000 Miles
I have officially broken the quarter century mark on my car in 14 months (If you discount my trip to India then it was 13!). The average mileage for a car in the US is between 12 and 15K miles. So much for me being average. I have decided to run this car to the ground so I am not holding back on account of the resale value.

Knife in a shredder
This is a never before seen footage (image). I was just trying to get the paper jam out. What really happened is plain to see.

Also goes to show that I have no patience for product manuals!

Speaking of products, these pictures are courtesy of my newest phone a TREO palm top. Its officially my ninth phone in three years. What can I say, my and my cellphones never seem to get along.This might also be my coolest one so far. With all the things it can do, from being used as a phone to working on office documents and acting as a low resolution video camera, I have been finally suckered by technology.

My first bachelor party
This weekend also was my first bachelor party. It was not for the faint hearted... no I am not talking about girls jumping on your lap out of a cake, but a full blown HALO LAN party. With some sprinkling of Dave and Busters where a 14 year old girl whipped my behind in simulation soccer. Also felt my age, when I almost pulled my groin muscle.


The weekend of my first bachelor party was also the weekend of me getting my first gun. Its a Marlin 30/30 calibre 30WA rifle.


That leaves me no time to talk about anti-valentine's day or the politically right term being Singles Awarness Day!!! But then I didn't think Feb 14 warrented any special attention from me!!!

In real love you want the other person's good. In romantic love, you want the other person.

The Man in the mirror - revisited

I'm gonna make a change, for once in my life
It's gonna feel real good, gonna make a difference
Gonna make it right...

As I, turn up the collar on my favorite winter coat
This wind is blowin' my mind
I see the kids in the street, with not enough to eat
Who am I, to be blind? Pretending not to see their needs
A summer's disregard, a broken bottle top
And a one man's soul
They follow each other on the wind ya' know
'Cause they got nowhere to go
That's why I want you to know

I'm starting with the man in the mirror
I'm asking him to change his ways
And no message could have been any clearer
If you wanna make the world a better place
Take a look at yourself, and then make a change

I've been a victim of a selfish kind of love
It's time that I realize
That there are some with no home, not a nickel to loan
Could it be really me, pretending that they're not alone?

A willow deeply scarred, somebody's broken heart
And a washed-out dream
They follow the pattern of the wind, ya' see
Cause they got no place to be
That's why I'm starting with me

I tend to disagree with the majority on the oldest profession, it definitely has to be politics. Oh how indefatigable corruption is! Especially when it comes to politics : they could be liberal or conservative, left wing or right wing, communist or capitalist, democratic or autocratic but the only common denominator they have is corruption. If indeed there is something called the "most institutionalized" in the world, it is corruption.

This article just goes on to prove that the whole world speaks one language when it comes to corruption, they might have different accents but it is definitely the same language. Be it the only remaining superpower in the world or country like Eritrea where most people can't afford one square meal a day.

I agree that this topic has been taken through the cleaners and juiced to the maximum. Though the one aspect of it that has not been taken note of are the ordinary people like us who condone it, by doing nothing about it. Most people don't care or are part of the malice by using it. I know it takes a lot to take a stand, but stand we must take. Anybody who cannot stand for something that he believes will for anything. Rhetoric apart, I believe individual corruption is more dangerous than any disease know to man.

Its easy to take pot shots(specially people like me) at all those high flying people who get caught.
What's harder is to keep the focus at the root of the problem. Sometime back I had a discussion with a friend on the best way to tackle this issue. (Like everybody else I believe I can solve all the worlds problem!!) He was of the opinion that the people at the top have to change first for the world to get rid of corruption. By that he meant that the political and business class have to change before the bourgeois can change and he was going to do things by hook or by crook till the world changes.

I on the other hand am of the opinion that the middle class is the key to the issue. If you are not corrupt when you are at the bottom of the food chain there is a good chance you would remain the same at the top ... that or you would never get to the top! But like Mother Theresa "every drop of water makes the mighty ocean" its starts with each one of us. Instead of complaining at how people are making money in corruption, lets try to do things without giving that "bribe" that would make things easier.

That said, corruption scandals have become the norm of the day all over the world, either more people are getting caught or the number of incidents is just skyrocketing. The only thing that has accomplished is that people are so sick of corruption that they have become numb to it. That is the kind of attitude that is not going to help! Sprinkling of outrage once in a while keeps the world moving along without degenerating into anarchy.

Before I run out of steam just wanted to let you where I come from!

Slums may well be breeding grounds of crime, but middle-class suburbs are incubators of apathy and delirium. Cyril Connolly

Ring in the New

A wonderful 2006 to you folks. Starting the new year with my first ever post on a blog. I guess that's what a new year is all about, the starting afresh or rather starting on a new canvas of life. Hope that answers your question NoViCe.

I started of this year with a slew of resolutions (I disagree with people who equate resolutions with laws, in that they are meant to be broken), starting off with being a better person. The last few years have been marred by souring of relations with people really close to me, a trend I am hoping to reverse this year (with fingers crossed). You could say that I have probably antagonised more people last couple of years than Bush did (If ever that was possible).

I'll save the sob story for later. Today I came across this article on MSN. It makes an interesting read and speaks of how people are addicted to food just to make themselves feel good. No wonder America is over 60% obese. Ulysses maybe you should take a hint from this and work on your tummy ;). Get over it, you are not big you are just over weight!

I wonder why people wouldn't use these kind of news to get back in shape. Some people never learn I guess.

I'll sign off in the standard way

“People are so worried about what they eat between Christmas and the New Year,
but they really should be worried about what they eat between the New Year and
Christmas”

Over the hill ...

25 and single ... that's my profile from today onwards. Yes folks, I am over the hill of silver ... I already feel old enough to die (just kidding). Been a blast the past 25 years, oh yes they have been quite eventful (Just like everybody else's ... maybe not) with patches of uneventful, boring, mundaness.

Somebody said you don't count your life with the money or success you have attained but by the number of friends that you have. And if that is true then I am the most blessed of all men (or women) on earth. God has been most abundantly gracious and merciful to me through my short(or long) life . Not to forget unlike most people "the people I couldn't choose" (family and relatives) are out of this world.

What can I say ... I have the perfect life. Sure got ups and downs, but its definitely better than the next person's(atleast that's what I think). Wouldn't want to exchange it with anybody. Now that I have rambled on how blessed I feel, I think I should end the post ... (Or maybe because I have just run out of idea's), but you can't complain, its not everyday you turn 25 (its not everyday you turn anything).

At 21 you know you are old but still young enough to do stupid stuff and blame it on your age, at 25 you really can't blame it on anything or anybody. Which brings us to how do you know that you are old and over the hill? First sign is that you don't receive a single card on your birthday, a good sign most people have either forgotten or maybe they are just too broke from all the cards they have got you the previous years... also just an hint that maybe you should just get on with your life, 'cause whatever you might think its just another day in everybody's life ;). Oh ya no more birthday cake/party for you till you go really down the hill and have kids and they want to get something out of you!

Also 25 is that first time you can really look back at your life and see where you are going or atleast plan to go ... the first mile as some people would say. I wanted to retire at the age of 30 (Seriously) but as things are going retiring is not for me :). Atleast I got my master's degree, that is a very big step ... The best part is that even if I wanted to reminiscent on things I really don't have the time. I can't figure out how staring at a computer screen makes people tired but it does, specially if you are staring at it in the night. Last weekend was the beginning of a series of weekends that I have got to work. Can't complain though as long as I am getting paid for it.

Just a random thought ... I have always wondered how a wonderful baby as the one on top would turn into the scary man(I am 25!) that I have become.

Being scary apart ... 25 has lots of benefits ... lesser insurance premiums and the ability to rent a car without the underage fee ... gawd I hated that discrimination even though I scarcely used a rented car.

The one thing that I did learn is something I read in Ecclesiastes 1:2 " Vanity of vanities, all is vanity”", the more you want things the more you miss out on life. And this is what I consider the most important thing in life "PEOPLE". There is nothing else in life that is more important. It is so easy to get blinded (As I have a lot of times) by other things but there is nothing that can take the place of people ... they are important enough for Jesus to die on the cross for them.

Believe it or not, it too me quite a few years to understand the importance of being people centric (18 to be exact). The reason being that I had the worst case of shyness I have ever seen. I know its hard to believe for lots or at least most people who know me. I was what you call a chronically shy person, couldn't lift my head up when somebody from the opposite sex was around .. wouldn't speak to an unknown person ... even made my parents wonder if I should have been born as a girl!! And then it finally dawned on me (after a lot of deliberation of course) the people really don't have the time to be spending all their time on me, specially thinking about my walk or talk ... once I got through that epiphanic moment I was free of shyness or as I would like to call it 'I'ness. 'Cause what most people don't realise is that being shy makes you think more about yourself than others ... oxymoronic as it might sound, that in itself should tell you that people are not thinking about you and judging you!

But to be truthful, it was worth the wait (the wait to get over the shyness) or I wouldn't appreciate what God has given me!!

"At twenty we worry about what others think of us; at forty we don't care about what others think of us; at sixty we discover they haven't been thinking about us at all."

Married again ....

Well I thought this would be a better title than saying marriage 2 or marriage continued ... continuing on the topic of marriages ... either I am getting old or the world is getting older cause' it seems like everybody I know is getting married. Starting off with Katie's marriage next month ... I can only smile at the sheep being let to the slaughter. Jokes apart here is another dose of the pictures from back home. You must understand that this took place over a period of three days and four different functions, hence the various dresses! And do leave your comments, cause I know you are looking!
This is the family picture at the Groom's reception

The whole marriage bundle (brides' maids,maid of honour,groom's men,best man, flower girls ....) Usually you don't have the bride's maids and groom's men in our weddings... (just the best mand and the maid of honour)

The bride and groom at the church ...

The couple at the Groom's reception

Me and Kartik at the Groom's reception

Dad letting go ...

"The cousins" at the bride's reception

The wedding Cake

The wedding feast .... Sara what you doing man?

The feast at the groom's reception

Trying to show off my sisters!!!

Watch this place for more Pics from the "land of the tiger"...

"How do you look at the same face for the rest of your life ???? Beats me!"

Marriage...

No not mine ... as I have told my friends before, it would have to snow in Chennai before I hang myself ... oops sorry ... get married. I am still trying to get out of my jet lag(Its taking awefully long this time) so I thought I would go easy and make this a picture post of my sister's marriage.
Speaking at my sister's valthudal ceremony (Ceremony to bless and praise her)

The grooms family bringing the ceremonial gifts before the marriage

The bride's brother(Me ;)) welcoming the groom ...

The father of the bride and the mother ;)

The beauty queen

The Groom with the best man ...

Picture perfect ...

The groom entering the church with his coterie ...

The pretty bride's maids


Sara and Hussain's family at the reception

Dhinakaran Uncle felicitating the couple

Good old bharathanatayam...

Gayathri, Vanitha and Kirthi ....

Kirthi, Vishnu, Swapna and Shobi
Wondering about the different attires? Its all for the different functions that these Indian Marriages entail. I am having some diffuculties with the rest of the pictures so I guess I will have to continue on it tomorrow ... Enjoy these for now ...

With Love from India

Well I am finally back home after a gap of almost two years and its good to be back. So here goes my first post from the land of the tiger!
Day 1
Had the whole family come meet me at the airport. I wonder how long this ritual would continue. Maybe the next time it would be just my parents. I don't mind this attention though, I am a movie star for 5 mins. As I walk out of the terminal I have all these flash bulb's going off, making all the people gathered at the airport believe that I am a famous movie actor. Did I mention how much I like Briyani before? Well had my mom make Mutton(goat) Biryani and Chicken 65 for my Dinner/breakfast on the day I arrived.
Day 2
Jet lag is an evil word. Unlike my previous visit, this time I was really hit hard with it. Trust me walking like a zombie makes you snap at people. I did talk about the traffic in India a few months back. Now that I am back I am getting used to it pretty quickly. I surprised myself by talking to driving in peak traffic the day after I arrived. Maybe its because I have been driving a stick(Manual) shift car the last 9 months.
Day 3
The traffic mayhem is seen to be believed. And I am liking that a lot. If I drove like this in the US I probably would have had my license suspended a long time back. Its still fun to cut off people though getting cut off doesn't sound that great. As much as I have tried to hold on to the Indian culture, I still need a refresher course in it once in a while. Like wearing a formal pant to Church and no shorts and T-shirts.
Day 4 ... actually I have forgotten the day count in the midst of the marriage confusion. Indian marriages are definately a caos, but there is an order in the chaos. Friends have to be invited and then friends of friends .... friends of freinds of freinds ... And the food, specially when we have no idea about the number of people who are going to turn up. Also I guess it would take the hand of god to makes things pefect when more than 1500 Indian's get together(haha). Jokes apart its a trying time for all those running around getting things done and fun for people like me who watch it ... Got lots more to write but no time ... I'll let the pictures speak for themself

My Idol

Believe it or not I do have one and he just turned 51. And you know that a man has become old, when he says he is proud of the kids that God has given him ;)

My Dad has always rocked my world and all that I am, I owe it to him!!! His use of the English language surprises me not only because it makes me (who has had better education than him) use the dictionary but also because he learnt the language after he turned 18.

I may never understand the struggles he went through but sure do appreciate them. He is a charmer, a fact that I hope I could get a little bit of. He always made me more cool than I was by dropping me off in school on the military Motorcycle in his trademark shorts. Also the fact that he could kick anybody's bottom (I have personally witnessed that) combined with the fact that he could preach the bible like a preacher makes him a deadly combination.

The heart he has for helping others to the point of repeatedly being hoodwinked by unscrupulous needy people has to be seen to be believed. I can only wish that I would be able to give as much as he gives away(50-70% of his earnings) someday if I am not greedy enough :).

We do have difference of opinion as people from two different generations would, but I if he hadn't let me be, I wouldn't have been my own man. I could probably go on for a day about all his qualities, but suffice to say that I love him and wish that I was half the man he is!

"My father didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it."

P.S: I mustn't forget to mention the person who has kept him on the straight - my mom and his wife of 25 years

Life, what art thou?

"After all, computers crash, people die, relationships fall apart, the best we can do is breathe and reboot. And when that fails there is always tape backup :-)"

Said in the true spirit of a database administrator(even if an intern) the above quote by my friend and collegue Tyson started me thinking if the best we can do is only breathe and reboot. I know that this sounds rhetorical and cynical, a character hard to pin on me by those that know me. But once in a while you have to face and answer such question. This is not one of those multiple choice standardized questions that have a single or set of answers! 'cause I believe that there are as many answers as there are humans on this earth. Each one has a different outlook and opinion on how life is and should be.

Being that I use this forum to answer my own questions I have decided to take a dig at it. The first and probably the only time that I have given this question my fullest and deepest attention was when I was on a hospital bed, given a few months to live. I guess this as good a time as any to refresh my memory. To understand this we need to go back in time ... 3589 days to be exact ...

I had just finished my English II exam in 9 Standard(grade) and was playing hand tennis on my school's basketball court, when all of a sudden without any warning whatsoever the bone in my upper arm broke into pieces(I came to know about it later). I had just thrown the tennis ball when I heard a snap and saw my hand fall to my side with the ball going nowhere. I was fortunate enough to have one of my friends drop me home, since it was one of those days that I was supposed to take the bus home. Nobody including me had an inkling about the extent of the damage, since I had no pain and there was no swelling. Everybody just assumed that it was just a dislocation of my arm from the shoulder, 'cause of which I had to wait for my dad to get home in the evening to take me to the doctor and that's when the fun started. I had never had a fracture before this in my life and people I met told me how painful it was if there was dislocation. I was hoping and earnestly praying that it should be a fracture and not a dislocation.

apparently I had been diagnosed with bone cancer and that too in its most advanced stage. The specialist who performed a biopsy operation on me the same night, showed my parents the state of affairs that my bones were in ... it was dark and as brittle as a egg shell. The worst case scenario was that I had from 1 to 6 months to live. Through all this commotion, I was kept in the dark. My parent's rationale was that it would scare me, what they didn't understand was that I wasn't at a stage where I would worry too much about some hocus pocus cancer (Sometimes think that I am at that same maturity level), I wasn't complaining since I was being treated like a king and was being visited by people from near and far. Though I do know that there was lot more prayer at home (not there was any lack of it before) and I did get my Nintendo video game(something my dad had been resisting for a few years). This was a also the first time I came in touch with Dhinakaran uncle who prayed and comforted my parents that the cancer had been healed.

After a tense week, the biopsy report came back as negative. The only hitch was the experts wouldn't believe it, especially the doc who had performed the biopsy operation on me. So it was back to more testing and all the results came back as negative (though none explaining how my arm broke into pieces). There was only one doctor who would let us believe in divine healing. He also performed a bone transplant operation by grafting a piece of my Fibula and chips of my pelvic bones in order to replace the broken humerus. It wasn't fun being cooped up on a bed for two months with no way to move, since my right arm was POPed to my body and my left leg and hip were also in bandages. I still hate the smell of the hospital. But I guess in all this I missed mentioning that I was healed miraculously.

If you had been through such an experience its hard to re-evaluate your life and your choices. I knew I had a second birth but not for myself but to use it for others. I can't say I have succeeded it that endeavor, I probably have failed spectacularly though I am still trying. And what's more I know that there is a purpose to myself just like everybody else's. I just know that even if I impact one person by the time I die, the second chance would have been worth it.

I know this is a oft repeated quote

Give What You Can’t Keep to Gain What You Can’t Lose

Missing Mail ...

The past couple of weeks have been pretty eventful. I know every day is "eventful" in one way or the other. But the last was especially different for me as I got to move into my own apartment finally after living for 24 years on this earth. Some think I am crazy while others envy me!! The only thing missing now is someone to cook and clean my place! In the great Indian (possibly world) tradition, I mentioned it to my mom that I should get a wife to do it. Which was turned down with the answer that I needed a maid and not a wife, I still have my doubts(jk). Joking aside, its a different experience living alone. I have been alone for the last three years but with roommates, hence this is the first time that I am literally alone. Its lonely as well as expensive but at the same time it gives you more freedom ... to be alone ... go figure.

To top it all Yahoo has lost most of my emails, this after I paid for the service. Almost all my emails over the past 7 years have been lost and that has really got me down. I figure that its God's (funny) way of telling me not to get too attached to temporal things. Maybe if I still had my emails I would have gone over to the dark side and become Dark Lord "Darth Shaddai"*.

I had been planning to write on a few of topics but can't seem to find time to sit down at a stretch to do it. Also I am slowly gathering stuff to create a new website. Any input to the same is very much appreciated. I seem to have lost touch with the programming side of computers and need to get back to that at the earliest.

Till Laters ...

* - Non geeks please refer to the Star Wars story.

"Of all the liars in the world, sometimes the worst are your own fears."

Birthsays ... birthdays ... and more birthdays

Hey it looks like a season of birthdays of my friends. Two out of the 5 people in my family are born in June. It looks like a nice idea to use this blog to get the names all out there. Fallon, Rajesh, Justin, Mani and Holly so far.

My Cousin Samuel celebrated his 6th Birthday on the 19th. He is one cute kid and can sing more than 30 songs by heart... if only I could do it at this age ... Not that I don't sing, I think most people can vouch about my ability to render "Leaving on a jet plane" , "It's amazing ...". I know my friends love me to death, 'caus if they didn't I would have been shot a hundred times over.

Well I take the verse "Make a joyful noise to the Lord ..." a little too seriously!!!!!

Ciao