Murdering a Language

Foreword : Before I start off, the above title is a literal translation of a Tamil saying. It is used when somebody makes a hilariously funny syntactic or semantic error in their speaking.

I just realized how non-native speakers of a language can twist a language when I was forwarded an email about the "golden utterances" of a person called Jeppiar in in Chennai(Madras). A virtually illiterate person he now owns and manages a host of educational institutions (Though this is not because of his educational skills but his political). Here is a selection of some of his best ...

* All of you, stand in a straight circle.

* The girl with the mirror please come her...{Meaning girl with specs).

* I talk, he talk, why you middle middle talk ?

* There is no wind in the balloon.

* You three of you, stand together separately.

* Open the doors of the window. Let the Air Force come in.

* Take Copper Wire of any metal especially of Silver.....

* Close the doors of the windows please. I have winter in my nose today

* Shhh...Quiet, boys...the principal just passed away in the corridor

* Once he had come late to a college function, by the time the function
had started, so he went to the dais, and said, sorry I am late, because on
the way my car hit 2 muttons (Meaning goats).

* You three of you, stand together separately.

I know and Understand that English is a descriptive language and that it offers a lot of poetic license but this is stretching it a little too far. But then the sun has set on the British Empire so I guess anything goes...